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little joei with the cool jammies
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| Gutless |
[Monday November 9th, 2009
|8:14pm] |
On the outside i am calm and numb, on the inside i am screaming. I have no fucking idea what happens next.. I want to end it all, solve the puzzle quite literally. But I am too damn curious as to what happens next.
In light of the obvious, I am looking forward to those days post travels, my gut wrenching for three weeks not knowing if he is ok. I hope he has the same feelings. I wish I could just be settled already.
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[Monday November 2nd, 2009
|9:57am] |
Honestly, somehow it always seems that
I'm dreaming of something I can never be
It doesn't bother me, 'cause I will always be the pimp that I see in all of my fantasies
I don't know your fucking name, so what, let's... (have sex)
Screaming to be the only way
that I can truly be free from my fucked up reality
So I dream and stroke it harder,
'cause it's so fun to see my face staring back at me
I don't know your fucking name, so what, let's fuck
All day I dream about sex
All day I dream about fucking
All day I dream about fucking
All day I dream about sex yes all day I dream about sex
And all day I dream about sex yes all day I dream about sex
And all day I dream about sex yes all day I dream about sex
And all day I dream about sex yes all day I dream about sex
All day I dream about sex
All day I dream about fucking
All day I dream about sex
All day I dream about fucking
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[Sunday November 1st, 2009
|5:25pm] |
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something amazing unexpected happened to be today.
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[Thursday October 29th, 2009
|6:53pm] |
kILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one assignment left!
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[Saturday October 24th, 2009
|1:36pm] |
Dear l-j.
the other night my mums partner died in bed & was taken to hospital where he has been in a coma all week.... they turned off his life support today.. mum is a wreck, i feel terrible for her, but i know in the long run she is better off. unless ofcourse she gets caught up in the church bullcrap again, which sounds imenent since they are providing her a nurse to take her to and from her cancer-removal operation next week. i just relayed to her everything i had been told in the past by councilors to relieve stress & told her to place everything into a room that reminds her of him & possibly stay at a friends house for a while. She sounded kind of excited to be able to hang out with her gay male friends now, since her partner was completely homophobic. she should probably move house id imagine, the whole house would remind her of him, he pretty much chose everything in the house and looked after it for her while she worked and he stayed at home with his heart illness.
I had a dream the other night she took up underwater photography, i hope this life tragedy inspires her to go crazy and do whatever she wants.. not entirely unlikely.
in other news...
i got my costume sorted for the env grad pirate party! i am too excited about finishing uni and the upcomming months to actually focus on my assignments.. Only a week and they wil have to be submitted! gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh =) soooo happy!!!! cant wait til Nepal! and to come back from Nepal! and lookin for a new apartment & jobs etc etc.. so much to look forward too!!
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[Thursday October 22nd, 2009
|6:49pm] |
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i am about to do something seriously drastic in a couple of months time! I cannot fucking waaaaaaaaaaiiit!
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| dreaaaaaaaams |
[Sunday October 18th, 2009
|9:21pm] |
every night i have the craziest dreams where i enter another world where i have every sense with me and wake up with permanent memories of this other life i exist in. i wish i had the internet sometimes so i could type up my dreams whenever i have them while they are so vividly imprinted in my mind.
the night before last there was this amazon type rain forest wherewe were all in a canoe floating through the jungle removing all this invasive moss using long poles with hooks. The moss is invasive and everywhere and kills on contact. This whole ecosystem was contained within a room of which only us env students knew about and chose to never tell anyone. When inside the room no one can speak, its some sort of knew language where our voices are really instrumental sounds. We were starting to get addicted to the ecosystem once the moss was removed and we had to limit our access to the place, I found out in the dream that this 'other world' could suck you in forever if you entered during an "underground thunderstorm" whereby you can see lightening strikes from underneath the doorway...
I cant remember much else...
last night i was in a tidal wave.
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| ????????? |
[Thursday October 15th, 2009
|9:49am] |
I cant help but wonder why my lecturer from three years ago just sent me an official email from the college (accidently on purpose?) but has not been replying to my emails for the last 6 months and clearly doesn't want me to know that he is back in the country. Sometimes i question whether i really am a creep.
Also on my mind is whether i can actually even go to nz and introduce myself as so and so's cousin/neice and ask to crash at their place when in reality i haven't known any of them for 24 years and my parents havent known them for probably twice as long. i hate that , atleast on my mothers side, they would promptly assume i am taking advantage. I just want to know what they are like so i can better understand myself.
Other looming questions;
One day if i had children should I raise them vegetarian as i am fundamentally against meat but also principly believe in raising children healthily and with the freedom to chose their own beliefs. What kind of meaningless full-time job should i persue when i come back from Nepal? Bar work? Retail? Office work? Start my own business? Should i rent a one bedroom apartment or find 2 people to share with me?Should i save for a car or a deposit for a mortgage? Should I move further west/away from the coast? Do I even have choices or is everything consequential to a point that I shouldn't even worry because everything will happen the way it has to anyway...... stupidstupidstupid.
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| History behind the @ Symbol |
[Wednesday October 7th, 2009
|8:47am] |
Ray Tomlinson made this decision while writing e-mail programs. He needed a way to separate, in the e-mail address, the name of the user from the machine the user was on. How should that be denoted? He wanted a character that would not, under any circumstances, be found in the user's name. He looked down at the keyboard he was using, a Model 33 Teletype, which almost everyone else on the Net used, too. In addition to the letters and numerals there were about a dozen punctuation marks. "I got there first, so I got to choose any punctuation I wanted," Tomlinson said. "I chose the @ sign." The character also had the advantage of meaning "at" the designated institution. He had no idea he was creating an icon for the wired world.
source: http://www.faqs.org/qa/qa-4658.html
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| ..then final exams.... then ... TRAVEL!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Monday October 5th, 2009
|2:14pm] |
Shit left to do.
Ecotoxicology
Literature Review
Environmental Assessment Management
Group EIA
Mini Quiz
Conservation Biology
Field Assignment
Pollution Chemistry
Methods
Results
Discussion
Conclusion
(70 pages to go....)
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| Lake Broadwater n stuff' |
[Friday October 2nd, 2009
|10:47pm] |
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Things on my mind lately: Saving up for a massive Canada trip for next year, 6 degree's of separation, writing, getting a manual license/vehicle, exploring Nepal, Himalayas and Singapore in 2 months!!!
I thought i would update while i am in a reasonably good mood, a rare thing of late!
I just came back from a conservation trip, four days out west without a shower,, hundreds of flies, 10 deg nights and 35 deg days, doing fauna and flora surveys from 6am - 11pm every day. In summary it was the most worthwhile thing I have ever done ever. I really seriously hope I can get a career that is this *physically* and mentally challenging as well as being soo important for conservation. My favourite part of the trip was the botany side, seeing an Echidna in the wild on the last night!!!!, The beautiful colored birds and reptiles, having omeletes on the second night with my team, the drives to and from the plots, learning to use GPS and all the fucking crazy deep, intellectual and downright stoopid and dirty conversations we shared to keep ourselves awake!
Bones is back to incredible, he surprises me more than he frustrates me lately... I am very fortunate to have someone so close to me who is so confident, well rounded and happy in life and with themselves and I learn from him so much. I really really really want us to stay together even if he does need so much alone time it is soooo worth it when we are both on the same level. Just taking it all in a day at a time and staying focused on my work and achieving my own peace of mind.
I went to a day spa today - the best experience after roughing it in the dirt all week! Ultimate relaxation!!! I have the house to myself tonight cos the boys are in Byron so I am pigging out on chocolate watching TV and painting my nails... Will worry about the mountain of uni work/house work/beach care dune revegetation tomorrow ;-)
( Photos )
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[Tuesday September 22nd, 2009
|12:46pm] |
bullshit on my mind at the moment
whether he gives a fuck about whether i am going through something at the moment or thinks about trying to cheer me up or cares that i am lonely or has any emotion he wishes to express or oppinion on us at all. i can feel from everyone else that they care except for him. what is his effing problem with me????
is he worth my energy?????
is any of this worth my energy????
in meditation you dont even write or talk or hug or anything you just sit and do nothing
i wish i knew what that was like to feel nothing
my insides are screaming
my heart pounding
my eyes hurt from crying
i am terrorfied of death.
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[Monday September 14th, 2009
|8:41pm] |
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fuck me.
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[Sunday September 13th, 2009
|10:04am] |
From hundreds of miles, yeah, you cry like a baby.
You plead with me, shout, scream, tell me I'm staying.
I know I know I know, I'm still your love.
Back from the last place that I wanted to fake,
You laugh with me, shout, scream, now tell me you're staying.
I know I know I know, you're still my love.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Box after box and you're still by my side.
The weather is changing and breaking my stride.
Oh well I know I know I know, it's just this day.
House after house, just like car after car,
You see club after club, and it all seems so far.
I know I know I know, what else are we here for?
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Stick your hands inside of my pockets,
Keep them warm while I'm still here.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
Last night I was writing about you,
I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you.
I know I know I know, you're still my love.
I wake up to the sound of you working,
In one room right over, you're stressing and loving me.
I know I know I know, be still my love.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Stick your hands inside of my pockets,
Keep them warm while I'm still here.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
Stick your heart inside of my chest,
Keep it warm here while we rest.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
---
got too drunk last night, the house is a mess... but i'd do it all over again!
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[Thursday September 10th, 2009
|8:44am] |
bond is finally paid!
now i only have 550$ oweing to my nepal savings
plus 207$ to pay for electricity =|
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[Wednesday September 9th, 2009
|1:40pm] |
http://www.mil-millington.com/
Romance Masterclass.
It's Wednesday the 12th of February. It's early evening. Margret and I are sitting in the living room. Margret has asked me to do something the following day.
Mil: 'I can't, I'm afraid. I'm going into town.'
Margret: 'Why? What do you need to go to town for?'
Mil: 'Oh, I have to get some stuff.'
Margret: 'What stuff?'
Mil: 'Just some stuff... things.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'Various things.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'What does it matter?'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'It's not important what specific things, is it? I have to get things or I wouldn't be cycling into town, would I? All that's relevant here is that I have to go, not the details of the individual items I need to get - there's no point wasting time giving you a big list, when the only significant point is that I need to go to town.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'Oh, for Christ's sake... Pizzas. I need to buy some pizzas, OK?'
Margret: 'We've got pizzas.'
Mil: 'We've got a pizza.'
Margret: 'So? How many do you need?'
Mil: 'Several. I want to have several in the fridge.'
Margret: 'Why?'
Mil: 'So that we have a stock of them.'
Margret: 'Why?'
Mil: 'So that we don't run out, obviously.'
Margret: 'What would happen if we ran out?'
Mil: 'I'd have to go to town.'
This flings itself out of my mouth while my higher brain is still racing along behind it frantically waving its arms and shouting, 'Wait! Wait!'
Margret responds with just the tiniest movement of her eyebrows. Absolutely minuscule. Sufficient in size, however, to make me wonder if I could get a UN resolution to have her bombed.
Mil: 'I have to get other things too.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'What the bloody hell does it matter? Why can't I go to town if I want to, for God's sake?'
Margret: 'Why are you being secretive? What are you up to?'
Mil: 'I'm not up to anything.'
Margret: 'Yes you are.'
Mil: 'Like what?'
Margret: 'I don't know.'
Mil: 'Because there isn't anything.'
Margret: 'Yes there is - I can tell.'
Mil: 'There isn't.'
Margret: 'You bloody liar.'
Mil: 'You bloody mad woman.'
Margret: 'Tell me.'
Mil: 'Stop talking now.'
Margret: 'Tell me.'
Mil: 'I...'
Margret: 'Tell me.'
I think we've both risen to our feet by this point (it allows for better voice projection).
Mil: 'OK! OK! You want to know why I need to go up town, you relentless harridan?!'
Margret: ''Yes! You lying swine!'
Mil: 'So I can get your Valentine's Day card! So I can get your bloody Valentine's Day card and post it to here - so it'll arrive as a nice surprise through the post!'
A tiny flicker. It's the merest stutter of hesitation, though, then she's back on track before the beat is really lost.
Margret: 'You don't need to get me a bloody Valentine's Day card!'
(I can't imagine what makes her think she's going to get away with this move - she must be getting old.)
Mil: 'Too bad! Because I'm getting you a Valentine's Day card! And I'm posting it to you! Tomorrow! When I go to town!'
Margret: 'THERE'S NO BLOODY NEED!'
Mil: 'WELL IT'S GOING TO BLOODY HAPPEN - GET USED TO IT!'
And, indeed, I do go to town, buy her a card, and post it. Inside I write, 'Surprise!' She gets it on Valentine's Day and says, 'Thank you,' to me, through gritted teeth. (She gets me one too, by the way - it reads, "I'm not interested in a nice, normal relationship... I like ours better.")
Odysseus and Penelope? Pah - lightweights.
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[Tuesday September 8th, 2009
|8:45pm] |
Know your Nepal Well
View Photo Gallery > Know your Nepal
Source: NTTR, March 19 2006, Extract of the presentation made by Nepalese tourism entrepreneur Kamasakya during the second None Resident Nepalese Conference held in Kathmandu in Oct 2005.
by Kamasakya
Presentation Topic : Biodiversity: Flora and Fauna
Third pole of the planet is Mount Everest
Nepal has higher number of repeated visitors than any countries of south Asia.
Nepal occupies only 0.1%of the Earth’s land mass, but as per the size of the country, she possesses one of the richest genetic biodiversity in the world
Nepal is the Birth place of Lord Buddha
Some of the highest permanent human habitat exists in Nepal
Kathmandu (the capital of Nepal) is the wildest dream of Kew ‘Rudyard Kipling'
Trekking company in Nepal are the best known professional out fitters in world tourism market.
Nepal is the country of highest mountain and deepest gorges.
Nepal has second largest hydro power resources in world.
One of the most popular trekking routes in the world is (in Nepal) Annapurna circuit in Marpha and Jomsom, you virtually walk on the trail full of best quality apple, before one has to be sick to bite an apple.
Kaligandaki (a river in this country) is the river older than the Himalaya, therefore, it acts as a major ecological dividing line of the whole eastern and western Himalaya.
Because of its outstanding attitudinal variation, there are many opportunities to farm any plants from any parts fro the world in Nepal.
Nepal is an Amazon of Asia. The hidden treasure of its rich biodiversity is not yet fully explored. Many new species could be discovered in Nepal.
Nepal harbours5890 species of flowering plants, which 2.4% covers of the world’s total and over 250 species of the flowering plants are endemic to Nepal ( not found elsewhere) . Nepal has more than 360 species orchid which constitute over 25 of the world’s orchid and comprises 6% world’s rhododendron species. Thirty-six percent of the world’s Meconopsis species”poppy”including blue puppies are found in Nepal and of which four are endemic, only to be found in Nepal.
Edelweiss is the Austria’s National flower in Austria, It is almost extinct in the wild, but it is found abundantly in Lamtang valley of Nepal.
Nepal has tallest grass land in the world that exists in Chitawan.
World is much sought after Ayurved (Alternative Medicines). Nepal has an incredible wealth of medicinal and aromatic plants for the preparation of traditional and Ayurvedic medicines.
Nepal has one of the largest concentration of Royal Bengal Tiger in world. Second largest population of One horn Rhino are found in Nepal. Nepal has on of the best for snow leopard. The only natural breeding ground of the long Snouted Gavial crocodile exists in Nepal.
Sukla Phanta in west Nepal harbors the worlds largest herd of swamp deer.
It is said that Nepal has largest moth in the world (Atlas moth). Some of the largest honey bees are found in Nepal. Nepal has 4...2% of the world’s butterfly species which over 650 species of butterflies.
Nepal constitutes more then 8.5% of the worlds total bird species .Nepal has nearly 870 species of birds which arguably more than the whole continent of Europe and North Africa combined Conservation Efforts.
Sivapri National park at Buddha Nilakantha in Kathmandu is the world’s only National park close to the Capital and Inter National Airport.
Over nineteen percent of the total country’s land mass is protected under National park and protected Areas in Nepal
Royal Chitawan National park and Everest National park site listed in World’s heritage site
Nepal is the leader of community forestry campaign in the world. The conservation effort undertaken by the local communities in the buffer zone area such as Bagmara and kumrose forest in Chitawan is the pride of Nation.
In many developing countries, park people is a major challenge, but in Nepal , the complex issue is amicably resolved
Multi conceptual park management system was first successfully implemented in Annapurna area and now ACAP is the world model for conservation and sustainable development. 20 During 70s, there were less than 80 rhino in Nepal, now we have more than 500.This is undoubtedly an excellent result in contest in global wildlife conservation record.
Kosi Taappu wild life reserve, is suppose to be one of the finest bird sanctuaries in Asia and listed in the Ramsar site Culture.
Nepal is future of Asia’s medieval past
Kathmandu has richest Buddhist icon in the world.
Religious tolerance and cultural harmony is the leading force of the Nepalese society.
Kathmandu is the living cultural museum of the world. Nepal is the country of non stop festivals
Not a single drop of blood has ever been shed in Nepal in the name of religious and ethnic riot
When America and Australia was not even born as a Nation, Nepal built finest monuments which are now listed in world Heritage sites.
The style of Pagoda was introduced in China and beyond by Nepali artist Arnico in 12 century. Legend has it that Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan invited Nepalese Architectures to build his palace Xnadu
The United Nation has agreed of developing Lumbini as a World Peace City
Janak, Sita and Nepal is the land of victorious Ghurkha. Nepal is known as the land of living Goddess.
Dolpo in Nepal is the last stronghold of Bongpo religion, mystic Bajrayana, an important of Buddhist section is found only in Nepal Tourism
Annapurna is a Nature’s Amphitheater “Cris Bonington"
Nepal is one of the best arenas for extreme and Adventure support tourism such as mountaineering, canoeing, paragliding , parasailing, hot air ballooning kayaking, rafting Bungee jumping, and high altitude marathon etc.
Karnali in Simikot is one of the best river in the world for Kayaking and most of the upstream Nepalese rivers offer the best rapid for white water rafting.
They are always the Nepalese Expatriates who always win the World Famous Outdoor Marathon Quest organized by Mid Seven in Deli in Indonesia.
Elephant Polo Match is played only in Nepal
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